Despite his few upgrades, I think Romneybot will still lose the general election in November and eventually slip back into his energy-saving hibernation mode. I kind of liked Gingrich, though, and I’ll miss him and his boisterousnesses and his grandiosities and his theatricalities. I hated his ideas, but they were at least really, really entertaining. I do hope that he keeps pushing for that moon colony because when I eventually retire, I’ll be wanting to get as far away from adults, children, animals, and all other forms of life as possible. I think the moon may be my Florida someday. Maybe I’ll play bridge with Newt and his future ex-current-ex half-wife.

So I was all like “isn’t that awesome?” and she was all like “Somalians? Aren’t they pirates and stuff?” And I said yes and then she said “When is Pirates 4 coming out? Or is it 5 now? Did you know that Johnny Depp just broke up with his girlfriend?” and the conversation went to shit. The focus was immediately switched from this pretty heroic true story of our military to Johnny Depp, and his French-french model girlfriend, and all this. Why?

Now I understand that there are a lot of people who like to keep a distance from the news. It’s true; the news is often just a slew of terrible, depressing, soul-crushing stories that serve to shock people more than just inform them. Spending too much time reading news can often leave a guy like me feeling kind of down on the world. I understand it. But to have so many people engage totally in this truly meaningless world of celebrity gossip (see: Charlie Sheen, the Kardashians, etc) while ignoring most everything else that happens is plain scary. It confounds me that people get all up in a bluster over who in Hollywood is breaking up, having kids, and the latest leaked photos, and who is getting all depressed and drugged-out, and blah blah. We’re obsessed with these people, for no real good reason other than our own morbid curiosities.

I wouldn’t mind so much if the attention went to those celebrities who are truly enriching the world with their talents, their work, and their philanthropy. There are plenty of celebrities worth talking about — but Charlie Sheen? I don’t feel like wasting a second of thought on a guy like him, it’s meaningless garbage. It’s like watching a dying lizard in a cage — yeah, it’s kind of interesting in a creepy way, but isn’t there anything better to be thinking about? It’s too bad that when we do focus on celebrities, we seem to choose the worst kinds.

I wonder which celebrities Charlie Sheen obsesses over and gossips about…